Choosing Your Wedding Party

Southerly Bride Tyler & her bridesmaids.   photo credit: Hannah Miller Photography

Southerly Bride Tyler & her bridesmaids.

photo credit: Hannah Miller Photography

We all know that wedding planning can be stressful, and one of the most important decisions that will be made throughout the entire process is who will go through the process with you. The people who will give you honest opinions, who will be your beck & call at any time of the day, and who will be a huge part of the memories formed throughout the wedding. 

So how do you even begin to choose who you want to stand by your side? We're here to give you a few tricks as well as to debunk some traditional guidelines that you might feel forced to follow (guess what... you don't have to). 

  1. Don't do it for the numbers
    Have you seen pictures of and been intimidated by the wedding party with 12 people on both sides? Or maybe you've felt pressured to only ask a few of your close friends when you have multiple that you want to ask? Orrr does your partner have 10 close friends but you only have 6?
    Forget. It. All. Instead of letting the numbers bog you down, be honest with yourself about who you want standing by your side. If the numbers on both sides don’t match, it is okay! It would be far worse in the long run to choose people you don’t necessarily want in your wedding party just so that you can have the numbers or if you left someone you really care about out because you didn’t want to have more hands than your partner.

  2. Don't be afraid of opposite sex party members
    This is controversial, because for the longest time bridesmaids and groomsmen were groups of all women and all men. This completely ignores the reality that women have best friends who are male and vice versa. While it is still not seen in every wedding, don’t let this keep you from asking who you really want to ask to stand by you. There are such things as a brides-man and a grooms-woman, and if you want that, you deserve that!

  3. Don't give in to pressure
    So much of the wedding planning process seems to be learning how to say “no” to ideas from everyone around you and figuring out how to stick up for you and your partners vision for the wedding. In the long run, we figure out that there are some details not worth the drama, and we let the parents or the in-laws or the best friend get the way they want. This is not one of those times. As much as your friend wants Suzy Q to be a bridesmaid too, or as much drama you know it is going to cause when you don’t choose a distanced friend, this is your time to stand strong. Don’t give in to that outside pressure and choose who you want for your party!

  4. Ask yourself if the stress is worth it
    We all have those friends…. We love them, but they love to stir up drama and sometimes if the attention is not constantly on them, they freak out. While during our daily life we learn how to best navigate and deal with this behavior, it might not be the best idea to bring that negativeness into the wedding planning season. I know, they’re one of your best friends and you don’t want them to be mad at you, but seriously take the time to weight the pros & cons. Ask yourself: How will he/she react to not being the center of attention, will he/she willingly (& kindly) help with whatever might need to be done, & do you trust them to not create a scene at the wedding?

  5. Go with your gut & choose those who you know will be there for you
    In summary, no one knows the support you need better than yourself. Be honest with your partner when discussing your wedding party and don’t close yourselves off to any options. Wedding planning can be very stressful, and you want to be surrounded by those who relieve that stress instead of add to it.

Photo Credit: T2 Photography

Photo Credit: T2 Photography


All the best,
Grace :)

Julia Maxwell